1. In the Hilton Hotel, Melissa fucked every member of the Rams when they came to play The Falcons.

2. Jake Caldwell’s dad shot a guy in the back and got off on self-defense.

3. Mark had to get married to a Baptist because he got her pregnant but they are still together and very happy.

4. Drew smoked crack at a Phish concert because he thought it was weed in a really weird looking one hitter.

5. Mitchell Kramer’s wrapped his dad’s new Porsche around a tree and died instantly.

6. Adam drove his sister to Planned Parenthood the day after their party.

7. Katy was obsessed with Lisa.

8. Jennie Brody started dating Chris Cartell because he looked like her brother who committed suicide.

9. Sandra ran away. Her mom kept coming to PTA meetings.

10. The social studies teacher Mr. Schorr was caught ballroom dancing alone with Chloe Cort’s younger sister. Neither of them had shirts on. Mr. Schorr promised it was to feel the beat of her heart.

11. Preston kept a dead bird in his locker.

12. Alley Redstone stuck a cherry Popsicle in her vagina so Taylor would think she was a virgin when he went down on her.

13. Holly McIntire gave a car full of guys head when they got lost downtown.

14. Nash Johnson cried in P.E. when he had to take off his clothes in front of other guys.

15. Tae Ridgeway wrapped his cock around his wrist and called it a chocolate Rolex.

16. The limo rented to shuttle The Richardson Party from the Homecoming dance to each of their houses was really used for an orgy.

17. Jordan asked Molly if her carpet matched her drapes.

18. Lindsay made Carrie promise not to tell which bathroom stall she used to throw up lunch, but Carrie did anyway.

19. Freak was the name of the porn that the soccer team passed from locker to locker.

20. Ryan Lipe’s big brother masturbated twelve times a day.

21. Faye’s parents put her on Adderall so she could loose baby fat.

22. Leo got pulled over for drunk driving but did a back flip off his car and landed on his feet so the cops let him go.

23. Lacey got in trouble because her shorts were too short. 

24. Brad Blakely killed his dog and left it in the middle of the street so it would look like a car hit it.

25. Jessie didn’t mean to run over a rabbit.

Hallie Elizabeth Newton lives in New York where she writes stories, interviews, music reviews, and screenplays. Self-portrait by Rita Lino.